Getting Personal

I don’t express personal things that often, however everything I write is either my own personal opinion or my interpretation of the facts. I’ve been shying away from this topic and I’ve gone back and forth with myself every time I come to WordPress to express whatever topic I choose. This is something very close to my soul so I intend on telling the absolute truth.

One day almost 25 years ago to the day, my life changed; my best friend died. Consider that I was only 12 years old back then so imagine how this effected me, not only was he my best friend at that time, he was my father. Without sugar coating it, apart me died that day too.

I went from talking to silence and from sad to angry. I thought to myself, how could he leave me? Didn’t he know I needed him? I still had so many questions so what now. I missed him so much that it altered my way of loving, I no longer wanted to be attached to people. It made me shy and apprehensive about saying I love you. It made me wonder and feel like nothing was forever.

As I grew into a man I felt like there was no one around to teach me how to be a man. I confused being a man with being grown which still made me a child. I handled my business poorly and also my relationships. I knew on the inside that I didn’t like the man I had become, then I met a new best friend.

My new best friend was about 5 years older and had been through some life changing events of his own. He saw that by all means and purposes I was a good guy but had a lot of clownish tendencies. Over the next 8 years and many conversations I became a man that I was proud to say I was, I never stopped thinking of my father though and as the years became decades I still missed him more than ever.

It’s hard to think about the what ifs but I can’t hold on to that so I continue to keep him in my heart and hope that he is proud of the man I’m still growing to be. I thank God for the chance to know my father, it’s so many children that never get the chance and it’s a great privilege to say my dad was there.

To all the fathers that do their best, I salute you. Any guy can be a dad but it takes a man to raise his child. We don’t pick our children and they don’t pick us, it is a God given blessing and you should treat it as such.

I haven’t been blessed yet with the opportunity but I have one of the most important things that I asked God for before he bestows one of His greatest blessings upon me. A wife!!! I had no intentions of being a babies daddy. I will be a every second dad or I don’t want to be one at all.



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